Funeral Details

My relationship with Marilyn, began almost 30 years ago. I was in graduate school and an intern at a local hospice. She walked in the front door, without an appointment, completely bereft, looking for support, as her beloved husband and rock- Stewart had died suddenly. At the time she wondered how she would survive this loss. A little over a year later, she ended her bereavement support only to return to hospice-this time, in a much different role.
Marilyn loved children. And she wanted to give back to the hospice that had companioned her through the loss of Stewart. She established the Stewart Friefeld Memorial Library for Grieving Children and Adults. Books, videos and CD’s were bought to create a lending library for the bereaved, their friends and families. She started her hospice volunteering by going out into the field and doing home visits with the Child and Family Bereavement Coordinator. These were families where someone- a child, mother or father was on hospice. While the counselor would be talking with the patient or family member, Marilyn was in charge of distracting and playing with the children.
She was marvelous in this role. She became known as the “Pocket Lady”, for, before arriving, she would fill her pockets with candy, and small toys for the children to reach into her pockets and whatever they found- they could keep. She always carried a magic wand and waved it over the children while telling then stories and reading aloud books to them. Week after week she would come with the hospice staff on their visits and the hospice families’ children would run to her exclaiming with glee: “look look the pocket lady is here!!!”
As she got older, she volunteered making calls to the newly bereaved to check up on them. She volunteered for hospice for over 25 years.
Later in life, Marilyn returned to graduate school where she received a second Master’s degree in Counseling and went on to become a Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor. She worked with the state providing services to mandated clients with DUI’s etc. This is a particularly hard population to serve and be successful with. It takes a certain kind of person who can do this work and do it well. She did. Over 20 years of counseling, she helped several hundred people, back to health. As one of her clients, whom I had referred to her, said to me: “I didn’t believe I had it in me to get clean and sober. She was the first person in my life who actually believed I could do it. So, with her help, I did.”
For Marilyn, nothing got in the way of an adventure. “I’m game, come on, let’s go!!!”
On one memorable trip to Door County, we spontaneously staged a cherry pie contest. First. we went from restaurant to restaurant gathering pieces of cherry pie. We then went back to our bed and breakfast, sat on the floor, organized a scoring sheet- 1-10, for appearance, taste, texture, etc. A winner rose victorious! The next day, we went back to the restaurant where the winning pie came from and asked to speak to the manager. With a mischievous grin, Marilyn exclaimed: “You are the winner of our cherry pie contest. Congratulations! And gave him a napkin with the words: “Best Cherry Pie in Door County!” scrawled across it.
A patron of the arts, Marilyn truly loved the theater- She was a season ticket holder to the Marriott, Writer’s Theater, Steppenwolf and often went downtown to concerts, ballets, the symphony and the art institute, etc.
Broadway and “show biz” were a real passion and she herself loved to sing and perform. Spurred on by Gene Kelly’s performance in Singing in the Rain, she took tap dancing lessons in her 60’s and performed in a community theater program composed of seniors. One of her favorite escapades was when she dressed up and took on the persona of Mother Superior, went with friends to the Music Box Theater for their annual Sound of Music Movie Singalong and dress up competition. Guess who won first prize? Need I say more?
For many years, she would host a New Year’s day dinner and musical showcase featuring her, as well as several of her friends, doing skits and singing and dancing. Often for these shows, she rewrote the lyrics to popular songs, gave out handouts of the new lyrics to all the guests and created a spontaneous sing-a-long. It was, as she would say: “a real hoot!” Every year was a new theme and the dinner she made would be woven into the show’s theme. ‘She would begin in late summer, and spend months writing, preparing and rehearsing along with her friends for: “the big show”.
Marilyn loved words- and not just a good crossword puzzle. Some Marilynisms: “Cheap is good, free is better!” “Holy stromboli!”, “You are not talking to a deaf person!” … to name a few. She wrote several children’s books including one in recent years which she co-wrote with her neighbor’s son John. It was titled: Homer and Your Highness.
Marilyn had a marvelous sense of humor. She loved to tease people and make people laugh. She would make up fantastic stories that many people believed were true. Sometimes it was hard to know what the truth was. One day, a child asked her what her name was, and without skipping a beat she grinned and said: “Your highness”. This momentary joke caught on and over years of time- she succeeded in getting a host of people to call her Your Highness. This included her dentist. Wacky, kooky and fun loving…she “renamed” – giving a “nick name” or “new” name to most of her friends and many who simply crossed her path. “What’s your name?” “It’s Julie.” “NO its not, it’s Martha!” And Martha was born!
Marilyn loved animals, especially dogs. Since I met her, she rescued a mutt, five Basset Hounds and a Beagle. One of her Basset hounds- Bailey, was a senior with health issues that no one would adopt. She knew this and the medical costs that would and did soon come, and generously adopted him anyway.
As friends, Marilyn and I traveled to Florida, her summer home in Wisconsin, Door County , Galena, Union Pier Michigan for a murder mystery weekend, etc., but by far my favorite trip was: “ the Mystery trip”. She told me to pack a bag with warm clothing, (it was August), and bring my license. We would be away for four days. I thought we were going to her home in Wisconsin- so I could not understand the warm clothes or why I needed my license- but I figured maybe she wanted me to share in the driving. Instead, we went to the airport. She handed me a boarding pass bound for Canada. I could not believe my eyes. We flew into Calgary, and drove up into the mountains- seeing Banff, and Whistler, on our way to Chateau Lake Louise. To date, it is still my favorite trip I have ever taken.
Marilyn showed love by cooking and baking for others. This was part of her currency. She loved to cook and share her soups, sweet and sour shrimp, chicken cacciatore, meatloaf, tuna, egg and shrimp salad. She had a real sweet tooth. This was to all our advantages. Because she not only loved to bake- but she also loved to share-cookies, muffins, Buck eyes, Haystacks, toffee, chocolate covered strawberries, and her famous chocolate flourless cake, with her friends, colleagues and neighbors. She would drive two hours for good barbecue, an hour for Hong Min Chinese- and 45 minutes to the south side of Chicago for a Rainbow Ice Cream cone.
If someone was sick, she would call every single day to check on them. She would bring them soup and cookies and leave it on their doorstep. When Marilyn said she would show up, you could count on her. She always did.
Marilyn was human and had her struggles. She could at times, be a hard person to navigate. Those who chose to love her, accepted this. She cared deeply for many, some of which might not have known just how much they meant to her. I was lucky.
Years ago, for my 40th birthday, Marilyn gave me a box. In it was a piece of poster board, about the size of your hand, cut into the shape of a heart, colored bright pink with magic marker. Glued on to the heart were two tiny shoes. Below the shoes she had written: “B- left footprints on my heart…never ever the same…M”
To my dear friend I say: “ditto”
For many years, Marilyn had a wooden plaque on her front door, until the ribbon holding it up finally disintegrated from wear.
It embodied her philosophy of life: it read.
“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”

Indeed, what a ride she had. She will be truly missed by many.
-Beth Katz


Beth Katz